Three days before, I had lost my job. And now the topic of money tied itself around my ankles and threatened to drown me in the rising tides of doubt and fear.
*****
The craze of the strange gods. When I was 17 years old, I found myself as part of the technical department in my church. On a humid Thursday night, we all sat before the president and listened to a firm exhortation meant to encourage us. I can't remember the point of his talk, but one phrase has stuck with me for over 6 years: "The Craze Of The Strange Gods."
And of all the gods that fight for our loyalty and threaten our relationship with Christ, money is the strangest.
Serving money has brought me only despair, pain and anxiety. She is a bitter, disloyal master with no life in her at all. Only death. And yet, my decision to serve her was an easy one; I simply followed the sickness of my heart at a time when I was vulnerable and afraid, and since then, it's been hard coming back. All idols are terrible masters, but Christ warns specifically about money, and almost 1/3 of His ministry touches on the topic in some way.
But it was hard to resist her call. She promised me peace of mind, and a plan for my retirement and security against disasters. She even promised me that I could upgrade to dinners-out and expensive shampoos. What she didn't reveal was how deeply her talons would sink into my mind and heart and how poisonous her words were. I tried to avoid her, focusing on Christ as my source and provider, but with each passing day I waited for companies to call me back, I yielded more and more to her call. Until at last, I was hers.
Many of us bound up our identity and self-worth in how much we make and can buy, based on the false premise that human beings can be quantified. We accumulate tons of things or add more zeros to our bank accounts because we have believed the lie that money will somehow satisfy every desire, directly or indirectly. But only one thing provides what money does and more. And only one person can do everything we ask of money, and do so perfectly.
Since that day at the grocery store with the shampoo, Christ has been showing me the true treasure of my heart. As much as I believed that God had 100% of me, it seems like I only tithed Him 10% along with my physical money, and kept the rest of everything for myself. So when I lost my job and my financial empire crumbled, I mourned for the loss of my heart's treasure. And in the midst of that, God continued stripping that god of its power and showing me the true prize my heart should yearn for.
In the midst of sickness, natural disasters, miscarriages, job loss and accidents, God stands firm and unwavering. His empire doesn't crack nor crumble when the economy crashes, nor does He bow His holy knee to the highest bidder. It's insane to imagine it, but truly, He is the only one worthy enough for us to place our hope in. When I hope in Christ to provide perfectly and in great timing, He'll never fall short because He created everything from nothing, owns it all and distributes good gifts out of a holy and benevolent heart. And if I am to believe what the Bible says, that what is impossible with man is possible with God, then I must submit to the truth that He can "supply all my needs according to His riches in glory" (Philippians 4:19).
*****
Since last year, I've endured a series of money issues - from medical bills, to car accidents, to quite a beating at tax season. God has taken away every cent I had, and I know that He's saying one main thing in all of this: "I am your provider, I always have been. So calm down and trust me to give you what you need."
And so, with nothing to my name, I am forced to calm down and rest in Jesus.
In the meantime, I have committed to living a life of generosity. No, I won't hoard my money any longer, but as much as I can, I will let what I've been blessed with - bless others. Christ's example of generosity is so radical and unthinkable, that with clearer eyes, I can fully see Him as He is, paying the ultimate price for our redemption and getting nothing tangible in return as He hung from that cross. If Christ will be radical enough to offer His life as payment for our sins, then we can be obedient enough to pay for a friend's meal or give good gifts. Jesus in His sacrifice wanted only to please and honor God, and so I pray that we all do the same, dismantle the money idol (and other idols) in our lives, and give of ourselves and our resources to bless others and reflect Christ's beautiful love, mercy and generosity to this dark world.
Love,
Davina
